Growing up

some people said, hey look groing up is not as scary as it seems to be
well others might say, i don't wanna grow up, studying is honeymoon period in everyone life.
i hate to say this, but i'm beginning to see things as how it is right now.
sorry to say this post would be another gloomy Belle's pattern entry yay.

as time passed by, you get to experience with alot of things, and that lessons that you've learned from there, is a process of growing. it's impossible that you have learned nothing.
there is a saying, there is no story not worth listening.
i cannot agree more.
even i've worked a short while in compumed this kinda stupid company, i learned about how to pick the right boss as well.
learned things about labour law, how to protect yourself from wicked HR.
and most importantly, i started to think about responsibility.
think about what and where i want myself to be.
this process is surely tough, and it ain't easy.
for people like me, i would say i'm well protected, in term of you know, economically.
i never need to worry about money.
not saying i come from a wealthy family, but well i manage to get more than i need.
but today, i think i'm kinda contaminated.
as in, i've become so brand conscious.
i feel like, hey i want to get a bag that people could call it by names, and damn i want to get that designer's brand to wear on.
and that's what is way beyond i could afford. and at age of 23, it would be so shameful to get money from dad already.
i wanna make a wish list. by age of 30 i wish i would be making annual income of well "240000K"
muahhahahhahaha.
which is after deducting my luxurious expenses e.g make up, skin care, facial, gym, entertainment, traveling, charity, sponsoring parents to trip etc <3

ok so where am i again ?
oh i'm sorry talking about growing up,
i'm very aware that people around are so ambitious.
so ambitious until i feel that they are making friends with purpose.
like, it's not purely friendship thing anymore.
it frighten me, becz i feel lik i'm very innocent kinda ppl.
mayb i'm obsessed with the boundary thing. crap, like if i called my friends for a date, and i'm not suppose to mention anything about money, or business. that's not right.

ish.
i'm making this so complicated.
what i was trying to say is, i don't like making friends with a purpose.
and i really don't like people who approach other with purpose.
i'm very extreme is these cases
1. i would be very inferior when you don't wish to friend me, cz i would think i'm so worthless.
2. i would be very disgusted by your attitute when i know you wanna friend me for a purpose.

u know what... i'm really a sensitive person.
i used to be so proud, so proud that i'm right in all senses.
but today i regret so much on who i used to be.
now i jz need to get rid of the damn pounds, and get my social network back to life.